Icicles and Pain
by CrystalHauntress
Summary: Elsa feels terrible after hurting Anna with her powers. After a misunderstanding with her sister, she takes to cutting. And then she takes it too far. One-shot.


**A/N: This fic has severe self harm and character death. If this is triggering for you in any way, then I strongly suggest you hit that return button. Now.**

She sits in her room, on her side of her door, listening as her sister, Princess Anna, tries to get her to come out of her room. She doesn't talk back, although it's the one thing she longs to do the most.

She _wants _to speak to Anna, she _wants _to tell her sister that she's there, that she's sorry, that she loves her. But because of her curse... that is impossible. So she sits, leaning her head on the door, with her eyes closed and listens to Anna's sad and desperate voice.

She sighs, and the room's temperature drops about a dozen degrees. The walls are covered in frost and ice and there are icicles covering most of the ceiling. One forms just above the young princess, though she doesn't know of it. Anna tells her that she has to go and Elsa hears her little sister's footsteps fade away.

And she is alone once again. Elsa sighs. Why does it have to be her? Why does _she _have magical powers and not anyone else in the royal family? Not that she wants anyone in her family to have the powers that she does. She doesn't want anyone else to go through the pain and isolation that she is going through.

Then she mentally scolds herself for being selfish. Her parents, the King and Queen of Arendelle have died in a shipwreck and she is going on about how _she _is feeling alone and helpless? How horrible of her.

But she misses them. So much. Even though they locked her up in her room, they were her parents. The only people that could - and would - give her true advice and support on her powers. And now they are gone. She has lost her chance.

Her thoughts cause the room temperature to drop even more. She doesn't feel a difference though, and carries on sitting still, thinking about her parents, Anna and her powers.

An icy tear drops down her cheek and onto her lap. Then another one. And then another. They keep on coming, but she does nothing to shift herself and wipe the tears away. Soon, it is even too cold to cry and the tears freeze on her body, making themselves look like tear shaped icicles.

Elsa feels like she wants to die. She can't go on living like this. It is too hard. She can't go and face the world, she can't even go and face the people living in her own castle!

That leads her on to something new. Soon the castle will have to be _her _castle. Now that her parents will no longer rule Arendelle, the kingdom needs a new ruler, a new queen. And then they will look for a king. A suitor and a husband for Elsa.

She shivers at the thought. She has to escape. She can't live with the thought of loving someone. Loving someone enough to welcome them into her kingdom, welcome them to rule by her side. And then there was _him_. What if _he _didn't love her?

But she can't leave yet. It won't be fair on Anna. With the King and Queen gone, all Elsa and Anna have are each other. She can't stand the thought of Anna being distraught and shocked. She has to get through this; if not for her, then for Anna.

Elsa frowns. She knows that trying to find a king will happen soon enough. She has to do something. She stands, and starts pacing the room. Her gloves are concealing her magic, making her keep it inside her body.

She sits back down with her back against the door. She can hear footsteps coming up to the door and she braces herself, trying to get ready for the guilt, pain and sadness that will overcome her when Anna starts speaking.

"Elsa?" She hears her sister's trembling voice call through the door. "Elsa, c-can you hear me?" Elsa wants to respond and tell Anna that she can hear her. She wants to tell Anna that she misses her, and that she's sorry. "Elsa? Please, Elsa, talk to me. Please..." Anna trails off with a sigh.

_I want to talk to you, my darling little sister. I want to tell you how sorry I am. I want to explain what put us in this position. But I can't. Not until I get a firm grip on my ice, my curse. Which I won't be getting anytime soon. _Elsa thinks bitterly.

"Elsa, I think I know... I know the answer to this," Anna's voice stutters and starts trembling, "but can-can I come in?" Elsa swallows.

She really, really, _really_, wants to see her sister. To ask her how she's been. To help her, to comfort her, like an elder sister should. But she can't. She needs to stay away from Anna to protect her. She can't risk anything and establish contact with her. After the horrible accident, she doesn't want to go through it all again. It might have been Anna's head that was struck the first time, but no one can say it won't be the heart the next time. So she can't see Anna. She can't. Ever.

"Elsa. I'm coming in." Anna's voice sounds firm and angry now. "I'm going to see what this is all about." Elsa's eyes widen and she stands up and away from the door. The door opens a crack so Elsa has to do something fast.

"_**NO!**_" Elsa shouts. "No, Anna, you cannot. Come. In." Elsa says, her voice firm but also trembling, nervous and insecure.

The door closes abruptly with a bang. "Why? Why, Elsa? Why can't I speak to you? Why can't I see you? What's wrong?" Anna sounds concerned but also comforting. It doesn't do anything to soften Elsa though.

"Because. You can't. Go away." She explains curtly.

"OK, OK. You've made your point. Enough times. I'm going to go away now. For good." Anna says firmly. "Goodbye, Princess Elsa of Arendelle."

"No, Anna! That's not what I meant!" Elsa calls desperately. But Anna's angry, stamping footsteps fade away. "Anna!" Elsa sighs as Anna doesn't come back. She slumps herself against the door again.

She closes her eyes. As she sits, the sleeve of her dress rolls up to her elbow but she doesn't make any move to pull it down again. After all, the cold never really bothered her.

More icicles form on the ceiling as Elsa feels more and more depressed. Soon, the frost and ice on the walls become at least two inches thick. One of the icicles on the ceiling become the victim of the force of gravity and breaks off the ceiling. It comes crashing down and just by chance, it happens to be one of the ones above Elsa. She doesn't notice though, instead she has her eyes closed and is wallowing in self pity. It falls on to Elsa's arm and scratches it. She opens her eyes abruptly and looks down at her arm.

Blood trickles down it and after the initial stinging sensation subsides, Elsa smiles. It doesn't hurt like she thought. In fact, it didn't hurt at all. If anything, it feels as if she has released some of her pain.

So she wants to do it again. She takes off both of her gloves and puts them to one side. She creates a small ice shard - just big enough to fit in between her thumb and first finger - with a sharp and jagged edge. She smirks a devillish smirk. She holds it up to the light her window brings in, admiring her weapon of choice.

With a deep breath, she puts the ice to her skin but before she can start cutting, a second voice pushes itself into her head and her conscience causes her to have second thoughts.

_What are you doing?!_

I'm giving myself the punishment I deserve.

_No! You don't deserve this! Anna doesn't deserve this!_

Maybe Anna doesn't deserve this, but I definitely do. I hurt Anna. The one I truly love. I have a curse. And I'll do anything to end it.

_Well..._

Elsa pushes the voice deep into the back of her mind, blocking it out and not listening to any of the reasons it is offering her.

She pushes the ice into her skin. At first it's a light scratch; and Elsa smiles. She is causing effect. She keeps at it, and breaks the skin, causing blood to pool out. She's not satisfied with the stinging. She wants more. She needs more.

Elsa rips and rips at her skin, all on one spot and watches intently as more and more blood pools out. There is a massive cut where she she placed the ice. She doesn't move on, or stop. She wants pain. A lot of pain and this isn't enough. At all.

She holds up the ice, which is stained with the vibrant red blood, just like her dress. But she doesn't care. Nothing will stop her from giving herself the pain she deserves.

_I will be with my parents again. I won't have to worry about hurting anyone with my powers... except me. But I don't care if I hurt myself. I deserve this. _

Elsa moves the stained ice to another spot on her arm... and changes her plan. Instead of focusing on one spot on her arm for too long, she will only cause blood to pool out - all over her body.

She stands up and rolls up her other sleeve. Discarding the ice, she goes to her window and takes her glass cube from her window sill. Carefully holding it, she walks over to the door and bolts it shut, both at the top and the bottom. Then she walks over to her wardrobe. Holding the cube in her hand, she smashes it against the wardrobe with all her strength. She shoots a nervous glance to the door. No one. Yet.

She scans the debris of the glass for the sharpest piece. Her eyes widen as she finds a small shard of glass, much like the size of her shard of ice. She snatches it up. She doesn't touch the other shards, she will need them when her current weapon gets too bloody to continue.

Bracing her back against the door, she puts the glass to her skin. Her flawless skin. Up until today, she has had perfect skin. But for no more.

The glass is pushed into different spots on Elsa's skin: her wrists, hands, arms, thighs, hips, she's even split her fingertips. Once she finishes making red and angry lines all over her body, she settles on her arms. The glass is now covered in blood, Elsa's blood.

Going back over to her wardrobe, she places her old piece of glass on the floor and picks up the next sharpest piece. She smirks and looks at her arm. There are slits all over it, of all different lengths. The shorter of them are used to 'test the waters' and the other, longer ones are the evidence that she wants to release her pain.

She sets about opening up the scars again; she doesn't even let them fully close. Her platinum blonde braid is getting stained but she doesn't move it away. Nothing of the sort is of any importance anymore. All Elsa cares about now is causing herself more and more pain; the pain she thinks she rightfully deserves.

The slits are pouring blood all over again. She looks up at her room and sees the floor covered in spots of crimson, like dribbles of paint but so much worse. Soon she is sitting in a pool of red liquid but she _still _feels like she needs more pain.

So she takes it further. Her arms are stinging like crazy but she's not paying any attention to it, whatsoever. And then the pain reaches supernova. It feels like her arms are going to explode. But she doesn't stop. She carries on until every inch of both her arms are covered in red blood and scars.

Then, as she looks up, her vision is cloudy. She can't see anything, except fuzziness. She looks around, hoping that it's something in the room. But it's not. Her vision is cloudy. And then she feels light headed. _Very_ light headed and dizzy.

Then reality finally hits her. She is dying. Fast. She is leaving behind all that she ever had. Her title. Her family. Anna.

_Anna... I'm so, so sorry. I can't help it. Just remember: I love-_

But she can't finish her thought. She is hit with an intense wave of nausea and the sudden feeling of sickness causes her to fall back onto the door. Her head meets with the door with a sickening crack and finally, Princess Elsa of Arendelle is no more.


End file.
